EXCITED

Well, first I am totally excited because I made it official today. I am an official participant of the Paducah Iron Mom 1/2 Marathon on Mother's Day weekend. There is no backing out now. I put my money down and I DON"T waste money!!

I hit the road again tonight but this time with 2 cute guardsman. Leonard and Ulysses rode their bicycles along side of me while I walked. So it was a different path tonight with different hills. I couldn't be on the major highway, Kirksey Hwy! Which you would think was an interstate down here as fast as people drive on that road. So we hit the back roads where they could zig zag and do circles around me while I walked. We mileaged it out afterward and from our driveway to our turnaround location was 2.2 miles. We did that in 43 minutes and managed to do the 2nd half home in the exact same amount of time. Nobody can say that I'm not consistent. So tonight I got in 4.4 miles in 86 minutes or 1 hour 26 minutes. I didn't think that was to bad with 2 tag alongs.

My daughter has been doing this count down because she thinks there are some important events in her life coming up. So I have decided to add on to her countdown now. Today her status on Facebook was:
A) 30 days from today I will be walking across a stage to get my fake diploma and in 37 days I will be saying "I do" and become Mrs. Brad Wyatt. So I will add to her countdown: B) in 23 days her mom, Rhonda, will change from a "Future Iron Mom" to a full fledge "Iron Mom". I hope my heart can take 3 crazy weekends in a row in May.

The boys and I had a conversation in the van while we were mileaging off the route we walked. They were asking about the race. So I told them it was 13 miles. I said it would be like me leaving home and walking to work. I believe it is right at 13 miles from my driveway to my office. They said, "Can we walk to school one day?" "Uh, don't think so." Then I tried to explain to them especially Leonard that I was not entering this race to win at least not to win against the other people in the race. He is really caught up into the winning so much that he will change the rules in the middle of the game so it makes him win. So we have frequent discussions about it isn't all about the winning. So I tried to explain to them that I was going there for me and no one else. That I only had to win myself and that I was setting only 2 goals for myself that day.
1) I will finish in the 4 hour alotted time limit ~ whether I walk the whole way or am able to run part of it. AND
2) I will not be the last person to cross the finish line.
I told them I am pretty convinced that those are both very attainable goals and do not think I will be disappointed at all that day. I explained to them how so many things have happened in the last few years.
A) My son growing up and moving out and getting married
B) My daughter growing up, graduating from college, moving out, and now getting married.
C) The boys coming to live with us on a short notice that was not in any of ours plans except for God's plan. Which we have discussed numerous times.
D) Me turning 45
E) Me being overweight
F) Me finding out numerous health diagnosis' in one year and I had never been sick before not even the flu. I found out last year my heart was wired backwards and was born with it. Because I had never been sick it had never been caught. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and it hit me like a bombshell and the medicine worked but not like it should. There were days when Paul would have to help me get dressed because I just wasn't able. This sent me into being depressed, not being able to sleep. I had the acutal FLU for the very first time in my life. I had some back problems that lingered for months. And now today I find out I have a small tear in my rotator cuff area that has caused me some serious pain at times and the Rheumatoid makes it worse.
So I told the boys that this race was about all the changes I have had to deal with in the last few years and not done a very good job dealing with them. I need to get my confidence back that I had worked many years at attaining because it is not something I have always possessed. I did not want to go back to where I had been. This is a HUGE fear of mine. So I explained to them that this race was for ME.
To make me feel better.
To make me proud of myself.
To make me more healthy.
To help me gain more confidence.
To make me more happy.
To help me defeat all of the negatives and to show to the boys it isn't all about winning and beating other people at games and races.

For my family and my friends that have known me for years they know where I come from and how I used to be and how weak of a person I was. Because of some very bad (incidences) for a lack of a better word I am who I am today and very thankful of who I am and for my 2 children that I raised and truly adore to this very day. I feel like I am going through another one of those (incidences) but on a much smaller scale and more with things that are completely out of my control such as the diagnosis'. Where 20 years ago I had the ability to take control and make something of it.

With that all said I believe that this is what this 1/2 marathon is for me. Everyone that knows me knows I like control. If I train for this marathon and I reach my goals and conquer it I feel like I have taken back over control of my life at least health wise, attitude wise, and spiritual wise and then all the other physical stuff such as my kids growing up and becoming adults and Paul and I taking on the huge responsibility of raising our grandchildren will all fall into place.

My positive healthy endorphins will suffocate out all those negative unhealthy endorphins that make me feel like crap in the mornings sometimes. I worked in health care for over 10 years and I have seen this attitude work.

I'm thinking today my Stevie Wonder quote is appropriate.
"We all have ability. The difference is how we use it." ~~Stevie Wonder